I Believe In Never
by Nestrik
Summary: Friendship overcomes even the most nasty of love triangles.
1. Thru The Eyes of Ruby

Thru The Eyes of Ruby  
The Smashing Pumpkins  
  
Wrap me up in always  
And drag me in with maybes  
Your innocence is treasure  
Your innocence is death  
Your innocence is all I have  
Breathing underwater  
And living under glass  
And if you spin your love around  
The secrets of your dreams  
You may find your love is gone  
And not quite what it seemed  
To appear  
To disappear  
Beneath all your darkest fears  
I believe in never  
I believe in all the way  
But belief is not to notice  
Belief is just some faith  
And faith can't help you to escape  
And with this ring I wed thee true  
And with this ring I wed thee now  
And with this ring I play so dead  
But no one's asking for the truth  
So let me tell you  
If you spin your love around  
The secrets of your dreams  
You may find your love is gone  
And is not quite what it seemed  
To appear  
To disappear  
Beneath all your darkest fears  
To the revelations of fresh faced youth  
No one will come to save you  
So speak your peace in the murmurs drawn  
But youth is wasted on the young  
Your strength is my weakness  
You weakness my hate  
My love for you just can't explain  
Why we're forever frozen  
Forever beautiful  
Forever lost inside ourselves  
The night has come to hold us young  
  
The Smashing Pumpkins 


	2. One

I Believe In Never  
  
Chapter One  
  
The North tower was dark against the pattern of stars twinkling in the night sky. The moon shone down across the lake, coloring it silver. Angel hairs of falling stars intrigued the world of the Muggles, and it was no less beautiful to behold a meteor shower in the world of magic than in the world of Muggles.  
  
Lily blinked, slowly and contentedly as she rested her head against the shoulder of Sirius Black. His longish black hair brushed across her face, the soft strands tickling her cheeks. Lily smiled. Sirius lifted his arm from behind her and placed it around her shoulders.  
  
"Look," he murmured into her ear as he pointed to a spot over the mountains. Five streaks of light made their way across the heavens and down to earth. It was breathtakingly beautiful, and Lily could not take her eyes away.  
  
The newest addition to the Hogwarts staff, Professor Trelawney, had revealed in her misty voice that she had foreseen herself coming down with a "strange and mysterious illness" and had gone down to the hospital wing, leaving the northernmost tower deserted and devoid of all students. Lily and Sirius had seized the opportunity as soon as Máiri Sinastra had told them that the Astronomy professor had told her, his favorite student, that there was going to be a meteor shower tonight.  
  
"What a job I had," Sirius said, "getting James to let me borrow his Invisibility cloak. He had the strangest notion that I would lose it."  
  
Lily chuckled and snuggled deeper into the crook of his arm. "Bloody well you got it for us. Professor Dumbledore was out on the third floor, did you see?"  
  
"Yep." The pair lapsed into a comfortable silence for a moment as they watched another series of meteors barrage their way into the atmosphere. The night was unscarred by clouds foreboding rain, and the soft June breeze cleansed the faces of the pair.  
  
Out of the corner of her eye, Lily spotted a silent figure against the backdrop of stars. Whatever it was, it was flying, lower and lower, until Lily could see that it was-  
  
"James!" Sirius shouted. He stood up so fast Lily tumbled over. Reaching down to help her up, Sirius shook his head and waved to the approaching figure. Lily could make out a grin on James Potter's face. "James," Sirius said, quieter this time, "how'd you sneak out? We took your cloak, here it is."  
  
Sirius handed over the slippery silver cloth to James, who leaned his Shooting Star broomstick against the balcony of the North Tower. "I used this," James said, brandishing a piece of parchment at Sirius. "Our new invention, remember?" James winked at Lily, who smiled back. She didn't know James that well. It was only through Sirius had she ever exchanged a few words with the boy. She did find his raging energy contagious, however. Sirius had a similar aura to his vigor.  
  
Sirius grinned. "Damn you, James," he said jokingly, "You interrupted us!"  
  
A sober look came into James's eyes, but his face was still lively. "Sorry, old chap," he said lightly, swinging his leg over his broomstick with the grace only a Seeker could possess. "Carry on, then."  
  
"Bye, James. Good luck tomorrow," Lily said.  
  
Sirius clapped James on the back. "We're gonna rout Slytherin, that's for sure," he told James. James nodded, tipped an imaginary hat to Lily, and flew off towards the broomstick shed.  
  
Lily frowned. "You didn't ask him why he was out this late," she said, concern creeping into her tone.  
  
Sirius shrugged. "Millions of reasons. This isn't the first time he's done it, either- I've heard him sneak out at night before. I've asked him why, but he would never say. It's been happening a lot this year. I think the O.W.L.S. are getting to him, but I'm not sure."  
  
Lily shrugged. "Maybe." She suddenly shivered. "Its getting cold- I'm going inside," she said. Lily stepped through the window. A moment later, Sirius followed, still feeling the warm June breeze on his back.  
  
The hearts of men lie in the hands of others. That had been a lesson Sirius had learned a long time ago. As he walked Lily towards the portrait that led into Gryffindor tower, he remembered this phrase and stole a sidelong glance at Lily. The moon made her auburn hair glow.  
  
"Nettle wine," Lily said. They had reached the portrait of the Fat Lady.  
  
"Whatever you say, dear," the Fat Lady murmured sleepily as she swung open.  
  
Sirius bade Lily goodnight with a short kiss. They went off the their respective dormitories. As Sirius climbed the winding staircase, he wondered if James had yet returned from his midnight flight. His question was answered as he stepped through the dormitory door and counted only three sleeping figures.  
  
Sirius fell asleep as soon as he had drawn the covers.  
  
On the other hand, Lily sat on the edge of her bed, her green eyes wide open. She chewed on her lip and gazed at her bag of school supplies, wondering if she should study the complex Transfiguration lesson Professor Dumbledore had given them that morning. But Lily knew that she would never be able to concentrate, so she finally drew out a piece of parchment, an eagle feather quill, and a bottle of black ink. She stared out the window at the meteors, and then she began to write.  
  
Dear Petunia,  
  
I hope Rabnott doesn't shock you as much this time. She's only a baby- she didn't know that she would cause a commotion in your room. Is Beaky okay? Has he recovered yet? I hope Rabnott didn't peck him too hard; he was such a beautiful parrot.  
I'd like to ask Mum and Dad whether or not I could bring Sirius home this summer. He doesn't like going back to the orphanage. maybe just for a few days. I don't want him to think that it's getting that serious. Stay over the whole summer serious. You know what I mean.  
Here's a picture. it's his Quidditch one, his team took one after they won the Cup last year, he's the one on the end of the line with the black hair that's laughing. James Potter is next to him, he also has black hair. I think they're laughing because one of them exploded a Dungbomb before the match and they still smelled. I'm not sure.  
I miss you. Write back, if you can subdue Rabnott for long enough.  
  
Love,  
  
Lily  
  
Lily addressed the letter to her sister and set it on her bedside table. She would deliver it in the morning before the Quidditch match.  
  
Meanwhile, James was rumpling his hair as he walked through the corridors of Hogwarts, his face pressed to a piece of parchment. Once in a long while his hazel eyes scanned the piece of parchment and then flicked back up to a spot where his eyes focused and then went blank.  
  
The flight had calmed him. That, at least, was for certain. The letter he had gotten from home had shocked him so badly that he couldn't even tell Sirius about it. Not yet, anyway. The parchment crumpled as he walked in the pocket of his robes. Dear James.  
  
No, he couldn't remember the contents of the letter now, not yet, not at this time. In the back of his eyes weariness began to creep, but James shook his head as if that could wake him up. Suddenly, the portrait of the Fat Lady loomed before him.  
  
"Nettle wine," he muttered.  
  
"Hm," said the Fat Lady, and swung open.  
  
The portrait closed with a satisfying click. James imagined all of his problems waiting for him on the other side of the door. He would deal with them in the morning.  
  
When James reached the dormitory, the sounds of snoring boys reached his ears. Peeking in between the curtains, he saw that Sirius, Peter, and Frank were all sound asleep. Only Remus tossed and turned. Sure enough, the nearly full moon glared at James through the window.  
  
He sat at the end of his bed, still fully clothed in his robes. The letter shifted menacingly in his pocket. It would not be ignored until the morning.  
  
James leaned back so that he was draped horizontally across his four- poster bed. He closed his eyes and remembered how the owl had tapped loudly on the window of Gryffindor tower. He and Sirius had been playing chess, and James had been playing a spectacularly horrific game. It didn't help that Lily was watching them, cheering them both on and receiving playfully angry looks from Sirius whenever she cheered for James. James had been in a foul mood despite Lily's good-natured antics. He was sure that he had failed the Potions O.W.L. earlier that day. The letter did not improve his mood. James had scanned it, stood up, glanced once at the Ministry of Magic seal on the envelope, and went straight to the broom shed.  
  
The letter revealed to him that his father had died. That was all that it had said. Of course the Ministry couldn't divulge details to Will Potter's only son- Will had been an Unspeakable, and the circumstances of his death were confidential.  
  
Frank Longbottom stirred in the bed next to James and muttered something about teacups. James allowed a grin to pass across his face, and then let himself surrender to the sleepiness that had been lurking behind his eyelids.  
  
James laid down his quill and smiled. Apart from Question Nine- "What techniques are used behind the spell used to defeat a boggart? Discuss"- James was sure that he had aced the Defense Against the Dark Arts O.W.L. He watched Professor Flitwick walk between the rows of students, and then began to doodle on a spare piece of parchment. Suddenly, the word "Accio!" cut through his thoughts, and all the test papers zoomed into the professor's arms, knocking him down. James grabbed the scrap parchment that he had been doodling on and began scribbling out the initials that he had been drawing beside a picture of a Golden Snitch. He leaped out of his seat and joined Remus, Peter, and Sirius as they walked into the entrance hall.  
  
"Did you like question ten, Moony?" Sirius asked playfully.  
  
"Loved it. 'Give five signs that identify the werewolf.' Excellent question." Remus kept a serious face as he made this remark.  
  
"D'you think you managed to get all the signs?" James asked, faking concern but barely being able to hide his snickering.  
  
"Think I did," Remus answered. "One: He's sitting in my chair. Two: He's wearing my clothes. Three: His name's Remus Lupin."  
  
From somewhere to James's left, a small voice piped up. "I got the snout shape, the pupils of the eyes, and the tufted tail, but I couldn't think what else-!"  
  
James interrupted the speaker- Peter's voice quickly grated on his nerves. "How thick are you, Wormtail? You run around with a werewolf once a month-!"  
  
"Keep your voice down," Remus quietly interrupted, a concerned look in his dark eyes. With a small flick of his eyes, Remus indicated someone behind them. James turned his head to look, and saw Snape buried in a piece of parchment. He snorted. Ever since the day that James had first come to Hogwarts, he had disliked Snape. No, it was even before that- Snape had first offended him on the train coming to the school. Seemed to find the fact that James's mum was a Muggle offending. Severus Snape had problems getting off the bus that day- his dad had taught him a few household charms, and Snape's head was so small that he couldn't find his nose with a tissue. Thus, the nickname Snivellus. At least his snot had been miniscule.  
  
"It's just Snivellus," James said, not even trying to keep his voice down. "Nothing to worry about there."  
  
The four friends followed the crowd out onto the grounds as James pondered his last remark. Severus was indeed something to worry about- he was such a priss that he would go off and tell the Headmaster every little wrong thing that slipped out of someone's mouth- especially if it had been one of the Marauder's mouths. James had the strange feeling, however, that Professor Dumbledore already knew that three of his students were unregistered Animagi, and Dumbledore certainly already knew about Remus. His being a werewolf had been no small secret when he had first come to Hogwarts. But as he walked across the grounds James decided not to think about Snape or Animagi until he had to. It was a nice day; the kind where the lake was smooth and the golden sun streamed through the leaves of the trees and dappled the grass. Only the Forbidden Forest looked somber on this day. James decided not to ruin it with unpleasant thoughts.  
  
"Well, I thought that paper was a piece of cake," Sirius said. "I'll be surprised if I don't get Outstanding on it at least." He leaned back onto the grass, supporting himself with his elbows. He stretched out his legs on the grass and let his elbows drop, putting his hands behind his head. Sirius reminded James of a turtle sunning itself on a rock.  
  
"Me too," said James, not really listening as he stuck his hand in his pocket and fumbling around for something. Feeling the warm touch of metal, he drew out the Snitch.  
  
"Where'd you get that?" Peter said, the awe in his eyes evident.  
  
"Nicked it." James let it fly away a few feet as he remembered the night before. He had been practicing with it in the pitch, trying to let off his feelings about the letter, and when he had seen two shapes in the North Tower he had pocketed it. Each time James caught the Snitch on that warm June day, he gripped it a little harder. Why did MY father have to die? James asked himself. Why couldn't - Snape - get a little hardships once in a while? All the boy did was study. If his father died, James suspected that Snape would barely look up from his textbook, let alone cry like a baby in front of the girl that he loved.  
  
Perhaps it was this thought that made James take out his wand as he sat down at the side of the lake and continued to play with the stolen Snitch. If Snivellus said one word to him, one wrong word, he would be hexed so fast that the pages of his books would be charred.  
  
"Put that away, will you? Before Wormtail wets himself from excitement." Sirius said lazily. He was gazing to the left of James with slightly closed eyes at a red headed girl that had sat down with her friends. James didn't have to follow his friend's gaze to know that Sirius was looking at Lily Evans.  
  
"If it bothers you." James pocketed the Snitch and casually gazed around the lakeside. He saw several of his friends dangling their legs in the lake. The giant squid's tentacles drifted lazily just below the surface in the middle of the lake. Then Lily looked up, and it was then that James even realized that he had been looking at her. He hastily looked down.  
  
"I'm bored," Sirius said from his lounging position on the grass. "Wish it was the full moon."  
  
James recalled that it would be a full moon in just two days. Why else would Remus be looking so sick? He wondered how Sirius could have missed this vital detail.  
  
"You might," retorted Remus. "We've still got Transfiguration, if you're bored you could test me. Here." He shoved the book into Sirius's face, who didn't bat an eyelash. "I don't need to look at that rubbish, I know it all."  
  
"This'll liven you up, Padfoot," murmured James. "Look who it is."  
  
Sirius turned his head to look at where James was pointing. "Excellent," he breathed. "Snivellus." The object of their discussion sat only a few feet away, his eyes greedily scanning a piece of parchment.  
  
As Severus finally tucked his paper away into his bag and began to walk towards the school, James and Sirius exchanged looks and stood up. James's earlier feelings of resentment towards Snape's seemingly easy life flared up again. All he does is study, his mind snarled.  
  
"All right, Snivellus?" James called across the lawn.  
  
The sound cut through the attentions of all the students clustered by the lake. They knew to expect a fight when James Potter used that tone of voice with Severus Snape. Lily looked up, and her eyes flashed.  
  
"Expelliarmus!" James yelled as Snape took his wand from his bag. The kid was fast, James had to give him that. The people who had brushed off James's taunt as just another Marauder stunt turned back again, their interests heightened by the sound of a dueling spell.  
  
Sirius pointed his own wand at Severus as he began to dive for his fallen wand. "Impedimenta!" he roared. Snape was stuck in a midair dive, his arm still reaching for his wand.  
  
Lily looked from James to Sirius to Snape and back to James again. How could they do this? Snape might be a greasy haired loser, but her boyfriend and his best friend were now taunting him for no reason. She began to rise.  
  
"Lily, let it go." Rachel Johnson muttered. She placed a hand on the foot of Lily's robes and pulled her back down onto the ground. Lily gave her a piercing look, but stayed put.  
  
"How'd the exam go, Snivelly?" James said sarcastically. His wand was still pointed at Snape.  
  
"I was watching him, his nose was touching the parchment," Sirius said harshly. The hate of the boy lying on the grass before him was evident in his voice. Lily recoiled at the tone issuing from Sirius's mouth- she had never heard him talk like this before, with such hate and loathing.  
  
"There'll be great grease marks all over it," Sirius continued, "they won't be able to read a word."  
  
Several of Lily's friends laughed, including Rachel.  
  
"You. wait," Snape mumbled. "You. wait." He was lying facedown in the grass. The Impediment Curse had long since worn off and Lily wondered why Severus was not getting up from the ground at the least.  
  
"Wait for what?" said Sirius in that same hateful tone. "What're you going to do, Snivelly, wipe your nose on us?"  
  
A babble of curse words and spells issued from Severus's mouth as Snape remembered that very first day on the Hogwarts Express. James viewed him coolly.  
  
"Wash out your mouth. Scourgify!"  
  
Even though James knew that he should not be thoroughly enjoying watching pink bubbles stream out of Snape's mouth and onto the grass, he felt the compelling need to laugh rising within him. That compelling need was squashed as a single redhead stood up from amidst her friends and yelled, "Leave him ALONE!"  
  
James stalled for a second, and then regained his composure. Sirius looked at his girlfriend with calm amusement as James said, "All right, Evans?"  
  
"Leave him alone," Lily said, annunciating every word so that it would permeate James and Sirius's equally thick sculls. "What's he done to you?"  
  
"Lily!" Rachel hissed. Lily ignored her.  
  
"Well, it's more the fact that he EXISTS, if you know what I mean." James said lightly, his wand still pointed at Snape.  
  
"You think you're funny but you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter," Lily ground the words out through her teeth. "Leave him alone."  
  
James exchanged a quick glance with Sirius, the one that meant that the other was going to insult the receiver of the glance. "I will if you go out with me, Evans," said James. Sirius stifled a laugh quickly and tried to look serious and angry that James was trying to steal his girlfriend. "Go on," James continued, "Go out with me and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again." He cracked a small smile as Sirius began to snicker behind him.  
  
Lily shot a cold look at Sirius, who was failing at his attempt to look angry. "I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid."  
  
"Bad luck, Prongs," said Sirius quickly, still trying to stifle laughter. "Oy!"  
  
Snape had picked up his wand and before either Sirius or James could react Snape had muttered a curse and James's face split open in a wide cut and splashed his robes with blood. Through the haze of pain James pointed his own wand at Snape, who flipped upside down and showed off a pair of underwear that had once, James believed, been white. Now it was gray.  
  
Lily gazed for a moment at Snape's underwear, trying not to laugh, and then directed her gaze once again at James. "Let him down!" She hadn't let any of the laughter permeate her voice.  
  
"Certainly." James flipped Snape right side up again, but as soon as Snape's feet touched the ground, Sirius trained his wand right at Snape's face and yelled "Locomotor mortis!" Snape fell to the ground, unable to move, for Sirius had cursed him with the Body Bind.  
  
"Leave him alone!" Lily yelled again, furious that her boyfriend could be so heartless. She whipped out her own wand from her pocket.  
  
"Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you," said James, waving his wand at her playfully. It emitted several red sparks that floated in the air between them before slowly fading.  
  
"Take the curse off him, then!" Lily said, her green eyes emitting sparks.  
  
James pointed his wand at Snape, whose limbs were freed. "There you go. You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus-!"  
  
Snape stood up quickly. "I don't need help," he yelled, pointing his finger at Lily, "from Mudbloods like her!"  
  
Lily gazed at Snape coolly, ignoring the gasps the insult had sent around the crowd watching the spectacle. "Fine. I won't bother in the future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus."  
  
"Apologize to Evans!" James pointed his wand at Snape menacingly. Severus threw him a dirty look and kept his mouth shut.  
  
"I don't want you to make him apologize!" Lily yelled, passionately angry. "You're as bad as he is!"  
  
"What?! I'd NEVER call you a- a you-know-what!" James stuttered. Even though his mom was a Muggle, no one had ever called James Potter a Mudblood. But Lily was pure Muggle, aside from the fact that she herself was a witch.  
  
"Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can- I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK," Lily ranted. As soon as she had finished, she pressed her mouth into a firm line, as if it had said everything that it had wanted to.  
  
Lily turned away from Sirius and James, who were staring after her, dumfounded. She allowed herself to enjoy the feel of their stupefied gazes on her back. They deserved every last word of her argument.  
  
"Evans! Hey, EVANS!" James shouted, but his effort was fruitless. Lily continued to walk away towards the castle, following in Severus's footsteps.  
  
A bloated feeling settled over James. Fat head? Him? But what he said aloud was, "What is it with her?"  
  
"Reading between the lines, I'd say she thinks you're a bit conceited, mate," said Sirius, patting James lightly on the back.  
  
"Right," said James angrily. "Right." He jerked his wand, and Snape was once again hanging upside down in the air. His robes flung once more over his head.  
  
"Who wants to see me take of Snivelly's pants?" James yelled to the crowd of onlookers. As James began to utter the Summoning spell, he remembered Lily's sparking eyes and paused. Two, five seconds passed, and Snape was still hanging in the air, complete with his pants.  
  
James turned away and followed Lily's path up to the castle, leaving Severus crumpled up on the ground, a surprised Sirius, Peter, and Remus, and a crowd of people who didn't really want to see what was under Severus Snape's pants anyway.  
  
The scene I just wrote about was in "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix," pages 640 to 649. I own no dialogue in the above scene save for  
the remarks between Lily and her friends. 


	3. Two

I Believe In Never  
  
Chapter Two  
  
"How could you have done that to him?" Lily hissed.  
  
It was lunchtime and the match was scheduled later in the afternoon due to the O.W.L.S. The Gryffindor table was unusually loud, for the students were taking out their nerves by eating spectacular amounts of pudding. Lily sat next to Sirius. James was on Lily's other side, next to Remus. Peter sat beside Sirius.  
  
Sirius leaned his elbow on the table and rested his head in his left hand so that he was on eye level with Lily. "Calm down. He deserved it."  
  
"Deserved it? He didn't even do anything to you!"  
  
Sirius gave James a pleading look, but for once James was not talking. He was gazing at his treacle tart, pushing it around with his fork. Finally, Sirius gave up and hissed "James! A little help?"  
  
James shook his head and reached up with a hand to ruffle his hair. His hand stopped halfway to his hair, however, around the level of his ear, and then he put it back on the table.  
  
Lily turned to James. "Come on," she said sarcastically. "Help out your pathetic friend think up an excuse."  
  
James shook his head again. "No, you're right, Lily," he said softly.  
  
Lily snorted. "Yeah. Since when is James Potter so modest about his wrongdoings? Did you have a sudden change of heart? The James I remember used to go around, making everybody laugh at his stupid jokes and pranks that made others embarrassed. Even though Snape called me a. a." Lily stuttered, then gave up. "A you-know-what, he still didn't deserve the treatment you gave him." She scowled. "And I heard you flip him upside down again after I left. Tell me, was it pleasant seeing the look on his face as you removed his underwear?"  
  
James stood up so abruptly that Remus spilled pumpkin juice down his front. He reached into his pocket and drew out a crumpled piece of parchment, which he threw into the space between Lily and Sirius's plates.  
  
"D'you ever feel like you have to take feelings out on someone?" James hissed into Lily's ear before he strode out of the Great Hall.  
  
Lily frowned after him, and then turned to Sirius, who looked just as perplexed as she did. Sirius leaned forwards and folded the piece of parchment smooth before scanning it with troubled eyes and then handing it to Lily, who gasped. "I had no idea!" she said. "But," Lily continued, trying to salvage her point, "he didn't have to take it out. on Severus."  
  
Sirius looked at her with raised eyebrows. Lily kissed him on the cheek and then walked out of the Great Hall. She knew where James had gone, Sirius had told her of all the weird habits of the boys in his dormitory. Sure enough, she found him sitting on the floor of the Owlery. His back was against the wall and his knees were drawn up nearly to his chest. His hands were positioned as if in prayer, and James kept hitting his knees with his two back pinkie fingers, and then his chin with his pointer fingers, and then his knees again.  
  
"James?" Lily said timidly.  
  
He gave a curt nod and continued to watch the back and forth motion of his hands hitting his knees.  
  
"Oh, James, I'm so sorry! I didn't know you were just venting over your dad's death. oh, James, why didn't you tell us? Why did you act like everything was okay?"  
  
"Didn't want pity," James said shortly.  
  
"Oh, James, come on, I apologized, didn't I?" Lily sighed in frustration and began to pace among the owls. "Are you going to play Quidditch today? Are you well enough?"  
  
"Well enough?" James yelled the words out so loudly that several owls took off out of the windows and Lily stopped in her tracks. "I'm fine! If I need to do anything, I need to play. Wipe the smirks off of all those faces that just think that I'm a troublemaker and I have no talent! I'll do it for Dad."  
  
James buried his head in his hands. Lily quickly crossed the circular floor and knelt besides him, careful not to kneel on any owl droppings.  
  
"James," she said, and then awkwardly began to stroke his back. Lily was amazed to find out that his back was heaving, if just barely. James was crying. James, Prongs, the Marauder who thought of nothing but his next prank. James Potter was crying.  
  
Well, obviously he cries some times, Lily chided herself. He's a person, isn't he?  
  
James lifted his head a little bit, and his hazel eyes were as clear as they had ever been, unmarked by the tears that he had just shed. A moment later a large barn owl swooped overhead and deposited its excrement in both James and Lily's hair.  
  
"Jeez!" James cried out, and leaped up, knocking Lily down onto her back in the process. When he bent down to help her up, he was amazed to find out that she was laughing.  
  
"Oh, you think its funny?" said James, cracking a smile as Lily got on her feet. He bent down to pick up a handful of hay and owl droppings. Lily whipped out her wand.  
  
"Scourgify!"  
  
A mass of bubbles appeared on James's head. He dropped the handful of owl dung in surprise, but recovered by picking up his own wand and yelling "Scourgify" at Lily.  
  
Five minutes later, after she had wiped all the bubbles off, Lily picked up her wand from the floor.  
  
"I still haven't forgiven you," she said, and then walked out of the Owlery.  
  
"Stupid prat!" said James in an incredulous tone, the bubbles still dripping down the side of his face. "What a girl."  
  
"Introducing the Slytherin Quidditch team!" Luis Creevey, a Ravenclaw seventh year, roared. "Higgs- Crabbe- Goyle- Malfoy- O'Malley- Grenich and Darrel!"  
  
A quarter of the crowd, dressed in green and black, yelled their approval for their team. The other three quarters of the crowd either sat silently or booed the Slytherins.  
  
"Introducing the Gryffindor Quidditch team! Abbot- Longbottom- McManus- Vera - Kent - Weasley and Potter!"  
  
James carried his Shooting Star broomstick onto the Quidditch pitch behind Arthur Weasley, a tall redheaded seventh year who excelled in Muggle Studies. Frank Longbottom and Derek O'Malley stepped forwards and gripped each other's hands in what Madame O'Flaherty wanted to call a handshake but was really a contest to see if one captain could break the other captain's fingers. Madame O'Flaherty then climbed onto her broomstick.  
  
"Crabbe, Goyle, I want fair play from you," she said harshly. "Vera, if you have a nosebleed, just touch down and Madame Pomfrey will attend to you."  
  
Ana Vera scowled. James gave her a sympathetic look- Ana's nosebleed in the last Gryffindor-Slytherin game had been caused by a foul Bludger that Crabbe had sent at her.  
  
"On my whistle. one. two."  
  
The whistle sounded and fourteen Quidditch players rose into the air on their broomsticks. James let himself enjoy the breeze for a moment as he caught Sirius's laughing eyes in the crowd, and then he began to circle the pitch.  
  
"Parker Higgs takes the Quaffle, dodges a nice Bludger courtesy of Nick Kent, good job Nick, he passes to Goyle, who passes to Crabbe, who passes back to Goyle, and that was- Ana Vera sends a Bludger straight at Freddy Crabbe and it bounces off his back! Crabbe drops the Quaffle, no surprise there."  
  
James kept half an ear on the commentary as he circled above the pitch, looking for the telltale glitter of the Golden Snitch. From time to time he glanced to see what Ed Darrel was doing, and then went back to circling the stadium.  
  
"And it's Abbot with the Quaffle, streaking straight for Nikolai Grenich- Grenich ducks- GRYFFINDOR SCORE!"  
  
Three quarters of the crowd began to cheer and stomp their feet. James grinned and cast an eye towards Darrel, who was giving him a dirty look.  
  
"Longbottom and Higgs face off, Frank Longbottom wins the Quaffle and- what the- Lucius Malfoy hits Frank full on in the face with a Bludger! Frank drops the Quaffle. Tub of Lard Number One- I mean Crabbe- Crabbe gets the Quaffle, come on Arthur, save it, no."  
  
Crabbe and Goyle began slapping each other on the backs amid cheers from the Slytherin end of the stands.  
  
"The game is tied at ten, face off, Higgs with the Quaffle, Higgs is meeting no defense down at the Gryffindor end, WHERE ARE THE CHASERS? Come on, Arthur. no, no, Slytherin scores, they lead twenty to ten."  
  
Arthur Weasley spun his broom around, did a lap around the goal posts to calm down, and then settled back into position in front of the middle hoop.  
  
The sky began to rumble. James looked up and saw clouds foreshadowing the sunset in the west. There would be a storm soon, and the game would go into the night if the Snitch wasn't quickly caught. James doubled his efforts and did his best to ignore the commentary, but twenty minutes later Slytherin was up one hundred and sixty to ten and Frank Longbottom had called a time out.  
  
"What's the matter?" he asked Arthur as soon as the Keeper had touched down into the huddle.  
  
"I don't know!"  
  
"Well, Arthur, you had better shape up soon or else it'll be our worst defeat in years. James, any sign of the Snitch at all?"  
  
"Nope. I don't think Darrel's seen it either." James jabbed his thumb over his shoulder to Darrel, who was circling the pitch like a hawk looking for the Snitch during the time out.  
  
"Okay." Frank sighed. "Okay, James, hurry up, Arthur, do your best, and James- don't get the Snitch until we score at least one more goal, or else we're tied. Okay?"  
  
The Gryffindor team rose back into the air. James immediately began to circle the stadium.  
  
"And it's McManus with the Quaffle, Sean McManus for Gryffindor, come on, give Grenich the workout he so badly deserves- McManus swerves- HE SCORES! ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY TO TWENTY!"  
  
It was then that James spotted the Snitch. It was hovering right behind Grenich's left leg. Strongly hoping that Slytherin would not score within the next five seconds, he pelted forwards. Nikolai Grenich looked startled and pulled out of the way. It was at that moment, as soon as James had begun to stretch out his arm to catch the Snitch that the first thunderclap sounded. It was so loud that several girls in the crowd screamed. Crabbe fell off of his broom. No one was paying attention to James, but it was okay, because he had won.  
  
And as the rain came pouring down out of the heavens and drenched players and spectators alike, the slow realization came over the crowd that it was over and that Gryffindor had won, if by only ten points. The team came over to James and hugged him and pulled him down to the ground. The rain was coming down so hard that the entire Gryffindor Quidditch team was a large wet scarlet mass with a few broomsticks stuck in it for decoration.  
  
James looked up at the Gryffindor section of the seats. He saw Sirius, cheering, and Lily, up on her feet, ignoring the rain and laughing as she had done so in the Owlery earlier that day. Her eyes were sparkling with happiness, and it was for Lily Evans and for Lily Evans alone that James extended the arm holding the Snitch into the air and yelled, "WE DID IT!"  
  
"Hell yeah!"  
  
Back in the Gryffindor common room, James had cleared off a coffee table and had leaped onto it, the Golden Snitch still clasped in his hand. He had begun to sway his hips in a ludicrously funny fashion while yelling, "We did it! Hell yeah! We did it! Hell yeah!" Sirius was sitting on a nearby chair, clapping his hands in rhythm to James's tune. Peter was sitting in a corner, his eyes flashing back and forth from James to the Marauder's Map, the newest invention of the four friends. Remus and Frank had snuck off to bring back food from the kitchens.  
  
"Hell yeah! We did it! Hell yeah! We did it! Hell-!"  
  
The portrait hole burst open, revealing an ashen-faced Frank. He stood there for a minute, his mouth opening and closing, until he pointed behind him and uttered a single word.  
  
"Food."  
  
Remus entered, grinning mischievously, his arms heaped with butterbeers and other assorted snacks. Frank helped him carry it all in and then flopped on the floor by the fire with his own private stash.  
  
"Don't eat too much, Frank!" James called across the room. He had ceased his dancing and was now letting the Snitch fly across the room like a wild bird suddenly put in a cage. "Get too fat and they'll kick you off the team!"  
  
"Can't!" said Frank, his mouth full with Bertie Bott's Every-Flavored Beans.  
  
James grinned and then got off the table. He stole a Chocolate Frog from Sirius and was making his way across the room to Remus, who wasn't looking that well, when Rachel Johnson intercepted him.  
  
"James! Hey, James!" she called, waving to him. He made his way through the sea of people to the chair she was patting besides her.  
  
"Hey. D'you want a Frog?" James extended the arm holding the Chocolate Frog towards her.  
  
"No thanks." Her brown eyes seemed to glitter at him. James frowned.  
  
"Your loss, then." He unwrapped the chocolate and shoved the entire thing in his mouth at once. Rachel watched, unfazed, as he withdrew the card from the pack.  
  
"Mer'n!" he said around the Chocolate Frog. "You cl'ct?"  
  
"No. Do you?" Rachel folded her arms on the arm of the chair and leaned towards him.  
  
"Ya. B'st th'ng since Quidditch." James swallowed loudly. "So, why'd you call me over here?"  
  
"I wanted to tell you that what you did to that grease ball today was really funny."  
  
James cocked his head towards her. "I shouldn't've done it."  
  
Rachel leaned forwards more. "Why not? It was damned funny, if you ask me."  
  
"Other people didn't think so," James said softly.  
  
"Like who?" Rachel scoffed.  
  
Lily and Snape, James thought. But his only response was to shake his head.  
  
Clearly disappointed about something, Rachel leaned back. "Nice game today," she said, and stood up.  
  
"See you," James called after her as she climbed the steps to the girls' dormitory. He then directed his gaze over at Sirius, who was throwing a Dungbomb up into the air and then catching it again. James crossed the room and sat in the chair next to his friend. Sirius did not look up from his game of catch.  
  
"Why can't I get a girl?"  
  
Sirius shrugged. "Look around. The ones that giggle and blush when you look at them like you."  
  
James looked around at all the girls. How many of them are there? James wondered to himself. They were all in tight knots, giggling to themselves as they discussed whatever interesting things girls talked about.  
  
"None of them are giggling."  
  
"Damn bad luck, mate." Sirius caught his Dungbomb for the last time and pocketed it. "Well, I'm tired. See you upstairs. I've got to go say goodnight to my woman."  
  
James watched as Sirius went over to Lily and draped his arm around her. She was laughing at something her friends were telling her. Presently Sirius said something to her, and she looked up and smiled at him before he went up the stairs to the boy's dormitory. James watched his friend climb the steps, and then looked back at Lily. She was looking right at him.  
  
Damn that pecking! Petunia thought to herself as she slid her legs over the side of her bed and rubbed her eyes. She tucked her stringy hair behind her ears as she slipped on her slippers, and then looked up to see what was causing the incessant noise.  
  
"Rabnott!" she hissed, and leaped out of bed. She opened the window and cautiously took the owl in her hand and drew it inside. Owl in hand, Petunia Evans crossed the room and turned on the light. Beaky was eyeing the intruder fearfully, no doubt remembering the last encounter he had with Lily's owl. Petunia signed and took the letter from Rabnott's clutches before taking the water bowl out of Beaky's cage and setting it on her desk as she opened the letter and looked into her neighbor's windows at the same time. Beaky hopped to the highest tier of his cage.  
  
Petunia unfolded the letter and a picture fell out onto her desk. Curious, she shoved aside the picture of her and Vernon at the festival and gazed at the picture with wide eyes.  
  
It was of seven people, some girls but the majority of them boys. They were all holding broomsticks and wearing scarlet robes. A slightly pudgy blonde boy was holding a trophy up in the air with the assistance of a tall girl with brown hair who was smiling up at him. Petunia scanned the faces, but was caught by two in particular. She looked at them, and then looked back at the letter.  
  
. he's the one on the end of the line with the black hair that's laughing. James Potter is next to him, he also has black hair. I think they're laughing because one of them exploded a Dungbomb before the match and they still smelled.  
  
Petunia eyed the strange words, and then looked back at the picture and identified Sirius Black and James Potter. Both were laughing and waving furiously to the camera. The boy she identified as James pinched his nose shut with his hand, and Sirius burst into further peals of laugher.  
  
"You're coming home!" she said gleefully, touching Sirius's face. "My dear sister," she murmured, placing the picture on her bed stand and scrawling a quick reply to Lily. "She's bringing you home." 


	4. Three

I Believe In Never  
  
Chapter Three  
  
He watched her from across the room, her lithe form folded into a squashy armchair. Her graceful eyes had turned away from him after what had seemed like an eternity, and James found himself looking for those emerald eyes to flick once again in his direction. Even the tiniest glance would suffice, would make him feel whole. But Lily Evans did not look in his direction again, and James Potter sat by the fire with a despondent feeling in his stomach as the people began filing out of the room. The hour grew later and later, and James's eyes remained unfocused, the light of the fire reflected in them as he thought. It truly wasn't fair, he thought to himself. He had always known that Sirius was the ladies' man, would always be the ladies' man, but James still felt a pang of envy as he watched numerous pairs of female eyes turn towards his friend in the corridors of Hogwarts, even as Sirius had Lily right beside him. None of Sirius's relationships lasted very long. The longest was Leigh Coldwater back in the fourth year. They had lasted a month and a half together before Leigh dumped him because he had smuggled a Dungbomb into her purse and it had exploded during her History exam. Leigh had dumped Sirius publicly, too. She had walked over during dinnertime from the Ravenclaw table and had stood behind Sirius with her hands on her hips until Sirius acknowledged her presence. Sirius had finished his dinner and then had wrinkled his nose without turning around.  
  
"Eew. What smells?"  
  
Leigh had smacked him upside the head. The sound was so loud that it had resounded throughout the Great Hall. Forks, spoons, and knives had clattered to the plates beneath them and a silence fell over the Great Hall as people turned to watch what would surely become a spectacle. Even the teachers had watched in anticipation. A Sirius Black Breakup was always a fun thing to watch.  
  
"You put a Dungbomb in my purse," Leigh had said. She had dragged out the words slowly and loudly, so that then entire Hall could hear her as they waited for the bomb to fall with bated breath.  
  
Sirius had tipped his head over the back of his chair so that he could look up at Leigh without turning his entire body around. "Yeah, I know. What about it?" he said, his face upside-down.  
  
"It exploded," Leigh said through gritted teeth.  
  
"Yeah, that's what they're supposed to do," James had cut in. "Good thing it wasn't defective, or you wouldn't be over here right now providing us all with first class entertainment." Sirius snickered. "Did Professor Binns smell it?" he asked.  
  
"Of course not. He's dead," James had replied.  
  
Sirius smiled up at the glowering Leigh. "So you came over here to tell me that the Dungbomb I put in your purse exploded? Which is what a Dungbomb is supposed to do?"  
  
"Yes, Sirius. I'd also like to add that," Leigh had taken a deep dramatic breath at this point, "IT'S OVER."  
  
"Yeah, the explosion's over, though it would be really awesome if they kept exploding over and over and over again. The entire school would smell like crap." Sirius tipped his head back up to its rightful position as Leigh marched back to the Ravenclaw table and had sat amongst her whispering friends, every now and then shooting a dirty look at Sirius.  
  
"She deserved that," Sirius had leaned over and whispered to James. "She was getting on my nerves anyway. D'you think we could curse a Dungbomb so that it kept exploding over and over again? Is there some kind of charm that makes stuff repeat?"  
  
James smiled as he reminisced on his friend, so easily taking every experience, living it, and then passing it on to welcome the next thing that would happen to him. Suddenly, James had the urgent need to fly on his broomstick. The invisibility cloak was up in his dormitory, but James felt strange, already invisible to everyone but himself. He felt light on his feet, and it was in this mood that he crept out of the portrait hole, leaped down lightly from the step, and found himself face to face with Peeves the Poltergeist, whose face was stretched out in a grin.  
  
"Oh, student out of bounds! Out of bounds, out of bounds, out-of- bounds!" Peeves sang.  
  
James took a deep breath. The longing to fly came over him even stronger than it had back in the common room. "Peeves," he said calmly, "I'll make you a deal."  
  
Peeves stopped chanting and eyed James warily. "What kind of deal?" he said, stroking his goatee with the air of a salesman whose customer is about to make the purchase that would make the salesman's' career.  
  
"I promise," James said, raising his right hand in a mock salute, "that if you let me, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin go out of bounds any time that we want too, we will keep you in full supply of every kind of material that you use to wreak havoc upon this school. That we can get in Hogsmeade. If we can afford it."  
  
Peeves appeared to think over this, stroking his goatee with three short fingers, but a mischievous light already shone in his black eyes. Finally he said, in his most oily tone, "You have yourself a deal, Mr. Potter. I would shake your hand, but." With that closing statement Peeves dumped a bucket of soapsuds that he had been hiding behind his back on James's head and glided off, cackling evilly.  
  
Muttering to himself, James uttered the charm that would dry out his robes before he looked out the window. It was two days until the full moon, and the glowing orb hung in the sky, a fraction of it still hidden in shadow. Its light spilled through the windowpanes and lay quiescent on the floor, stretching across the corridor to the opposite wall, where the shadow of the window's gothic arch found its place in the night's shadow. James crossed the corridor to the window and placed his hands on the sill. The moon reflected silvery white off the smooth surface of the lake. The giant squid was nowhere to be seen, and no disturbance marred the smooth glassiness of the lake. A slight breeze ruffled the leaves of the trees in the Forbidden Forest, and a bird took off suddenly out of the wood with a screeching, unearthly cry that reminded James slightly of a banshee. The Quidditch pitch, off to James's right, was nearly hidden in the shadows. Only a side of it glowed white in the moonlight, and James could see the moon reflecting off of three of the golden hoops.  
  
Suddenly James narrowed his eyes and leaned forwards, his nose almost pressed to the window's glass panes. He had thought he had seen a shadow, a person on a broomstick, circling one of the golden hoops. James stood still, looking out the window, but the minutes passed and the shadow did not reappear. James's knuckles turned white and began to shake slightly from the pressure with which he was holding the windowsill, and he looked down on them in surprise. Why should I mind, he asked himself. So someone couldn't sleep and wanted a midnight fly. I fly at night all the time and no one gives a damn what I do.  
  
But the weightless feeling returned, stronger than ever, and before he could ever really think about his decision James was taking long, fast strides down the corridor. His left fist was clenched in his pocket, and his right hand clutched his wand. His jaw muscles clenched and unclenched in an erratic rhythm as he walked throughout the dark and shadowy corridors of the castle. James pushed through the great double doors that led into the school and stood at the circular track that the horseless carriages rode on when they brought the second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth and seventh years up to the school. From this vantage point James looked around. The mysterious shadow could not be seen, but the hairs on the back of James's neck were prickling ever so slightly as he set out across the moonlit lawn to the broom shed, where he retrieved his Shooting Star broom. The tips of the grass blades shone silver in the moonlight, and the entire lawn rippled simultaneously with the soft June breeze. There were patches of stars scattered around in the sky. James mounted his broom and then flew to the Quidditch pitch, enjoying the breeze on his face with the added bite of air rushing past his profile. The place seemed desolate in the light of the large moon, and the feeling that James was being watched intensified as he flew a few laps around the bottom of the pitch. Three quarters of the pitch were draped in shadows.  
  
"Fancy yourself a Chaser, Potter?"  
  
James whirled around on his broom, almost falling off because of the reflexive action. He straightened his glasses, which had been knocked off of his nose in the spin, and peered through the lenses at the dark figure tossing the Quaffle up and down in one hand, sitting on a broomstick five yards away. He shook his head.  
  
"Gee, Evans, get a kick out of scaring innocent little boys at night?"  
  
Lily arranged a shocked look in her features. "I would hardly guess that James Potter considered himself an innocent little boy." The red of the Quaffle contrasted sharply with her hair as she tossed it up and back in a single hand. Then the look dropped from her face and she looked somber. "How're you holding up?"  
  
It was so hard for James to believe that his dad had just died, but for some reason James felt some of the grief lift. He was out on his broom at night, a warm June night with a light breeze and a starry sky, after all, and Evans was asking to get her butt kicked at Quidditch.  
  
"I'm fine, but I'm not sure how fine you'll be after playing me one on one at Quidditch."  
  
Lily smiled, and the somberness dropped from her eyes. "Fine, then. Let's test your abilities as a Chaser and a Keeper." She suddenly darted past him and sunk the Quaffle neatly into the right goalpost behind James. He rolled his eyes in response. "That wasn't fair. You didn't even tell me we were playing yet."  
  
"Evans: 10. Potter:0," Lily announced in a playfully deep voice as she soared to the middle of the pitch and tossed the Quaffle to James.  
  
Their playful shrieks filled the calm night air, and soon it was 1:23 at night and the score was tied 80-80.  
  
"Lets call it a night, Evans," James said, his hair flopping into his eyes. He brushed it back with an impatient gesture. "I'm either an exceptionally bad Chaser, or you're an exceptionally good one. Who taught you how to play?"  
  
"My cousin," Lily replied as they landed on the soft dirt of the Quidditch pitch and began to walk towards the broom shed. Their feet stirred up little eddies of dust and sand. "I used to live near him when I was little, in Canterbury. He started teaching me when I was five and when he was nine. Bobby loved the Wimbledon Wasps. Had a big shirt with their famous Chaser, Kieran Donnelly, on it. He practically worshipped the Wasps. He taught me until we moved away to a different part of the country when I was ten." Lily gestured the Quaffle, which James held. "He was a Chaser on the community team and wanted me to be one too. Follow in his footsteps, if you know what I mean."  
  
"Why aren't you on the House team?" James asked.  
  
"Gryffindor House? The team never needs a new player. I've been here five years and the only time they had tryouts was in my second year. I fell off my broom when I dropped the Quaffle, I was so nervous."  
  
James made a face. "Well, this year two of them are seventh years. Next year you could replace one of them. One's a Chaser; the other's a Beater. Ana Vera's the retiring Beater, the Chaser is Sean McManus. "  
  
Lily shrugged indifferently, but the light in her eyes was playful and excited. "Maybe. I don't know if I'm that good."  
  
They stopped by the broom shed and placed their brooms in their respective holders. James returned the Quaffle to its box and the two began to walk up back to the castle. Before they reached the driveway, James remembered something.  
  
"Hey," he said. "How did you get past me when you came out here? The portrait hole didn't open, and I was there by the fireplace the entire time before I left."  
  
"I've my own ways of getting out of the castle," Lily said evasively.  
  
"Non-magical?"  
  
"Yes. Muggle tricks I picked up before I knew I was a witch."  
  
"Can you show me some of them?"  
  
Lily snorted through her nose. "So you can use them to perform chaos all over the entire school?"  
  
"Precisely. You're a sharp one, Evans." The two ducked under a wall hanging of a witch and a wizard that had large daisies sprouting out of their ears. An inscription under the tapestry said: THIS WAS DONATED TO THE HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY BY DONALD AND HILDE FROSTWATER. THEY ASK THE STUDENTS TO PERFORM SPELLS CAREFULLY AND WITH REVIEW.  
  
Lily shrugged again. "Maybe I'll teach you some time." She stopped and said, "Nettle wine." The portrait of the Fat Lady swung open. "Night, dears," the woman muttered sleepily.  
  
James stepped into the portrait hole and gave Lily a hand up. He tipped an imaginary hat to her and then turned around to head up the steps to the boys' dormitory.  
  
Sirius was standing at the stairway landing, his arms folded across his chest and a strange expression in his eyes.  
  
A/N: Sorry for the short chapter, I thought the cliff hanger would be a change. Why am I writing this? No one's reviewed this yet.. Don't make me start singing to myself. I'll do it, too. I have this really good song on a compilation CD. Motion City Soundtrack, "Don't Call It A Comeback." NOFX is good too. "The Idiots Are Taking Over."  
  
  
~`~`Nestrik~`~`  
~`~`Ciorstaidh~`~`  
~`~`Cairistonia~`~`  
.But you can call me Kirsten. 


End file.
